Saturday TV Funhouse with Smigel & Colbert

I hardly ever watch SNL because, well, it's hardly ever funny. But tonight is Best of TV Funhouse, celebrating the 10th anniversary of Robert Smigel's animated shorts - and hosted by "The Ambiguously Gay Duo" themselves, Ace and Gary (voiced by Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell). Should be a real treat. (BTW, Smigel was interviewed on NPR's Fresh Air yesterday, which you can listen to online.)

Oh, and for more Colbert joy, be sure to check out the annual White House Correspondents' Association Dinner on C-SPAN tonight - which he's hosting! "I'm so excited," he says, "I'm going to levitate." Can't wait.

Reality TV gone mad!

Sorry for the unnanounced week-long hiatus, but (among other things) all my reality shows went insane this week, and it freaked me the hell out.

First off, Nnenna (my pick to win America's Next Top Model) got the boot! Which is just obscene, since there's still psycho Jade, stupid Sara, and aggressively unattractive Furonda (who I swear looks like a cross between Flavor Flav and Zorak, but in drag). My only consolation is that Joanie (my #2 pick) is kicking ass - and no longer snaggletoothed, which should make her unstoppable. Plus, the increasingly awesome Danielle got her gap (mostly) filled! (BTW, for the best ANTM coverage anywhere, you must read fourfour.)

Mere minutes later Wednesday, the unthinkable (thankfully) happened. Kellie Pickler finally got kicked off American Idol - which, yes, I hereby admit to following for the first time this season, thanks to the genuinely impressive Katharine McPhee and Chris Daughtry, both of whom I'm rooting for. Oh, and Thursday? Cirie pulled a stunning power play on Survivor. Who woulda thunk it? (I'm rooting for her and ultimate badass Commander Terry, who served as Officer of the Deck on the U.S.S. Enterprise and flew F-14's in the Navy. How cool is that?)

Can J.J. Abrams save Star Trek?

Variety reports that J.J. Abrams has been tapped by Paramount to direct, co-write (with Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci of Alias and Mission: Impossible III) and co-produce (with Damon Lindelof and Bryan Burk of Lost) a Star Trek prequel film centered on "the early days of James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock, including their first meeting at Starfleet Academy and first outer space mission." And I'm conflicted.

On the one hand, I'm excited by the prospect of Abrams resurrecting this tragically tarnished franchise that was run into the ground with back-to-back failures in both TV (Voyager, Enterprise) and film (Insurrection, Nemesis) by the criminally incompetent Rick Berman and Brannon Braga.

On the other hand, recasting such iconic characters as Kirk, Spock and McCoy is asking for trouble at best, and a sacreligious travesty at worst. Personally, I'd instead go back to Gene Roddenberry's original proposal for Trek, and tell the untold story of the very first mission(s) of the Starship Enterprise under the command of Captain Robert April.

Silent Hill really kinda sucks.

You know what I really kinda hate? Movies whose entire paint-by-numbers plots are completely predicated on the main characters being either stupid or insane or both. And what I hate even more is when said characters aren't developed even a smidgen - because if a movie can't be bothered to care about its characters, why should we?

Silent Hill is one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. Granted, it's a videogame movie, so I probably should've avoided it like the plague to begin with, but it was written by Roger Avary and directed by Christophe Gans - two filmmakers whose previous work I admire - so I was genuinely intrigued. But I came away thoroughly amazed by the utterly pointless (and offensively misogynistic) seen-it-all-before (only better) derivative inanity of it all. Admittedly, I never played the videogame(s) - so I don't get the significance of The Creature With A Roof For A Head (is that supposed to be scary?)... but then again I've never read The Godfather, Doctor Zhivago, or Gone With The Wind either, and those (and countless other film adaptations) managed to stand on their own two feet, thank you very much.

Not only does the film's entire premise rest on a wildly unbelievable string of actions taken by the main character(s)... not only does every character consistently spout dialogue no real person ever would... not only is the cop dressed like an absurdist leather lesbian fetish fantasy... not only does most of the movie look like an extended regurgitation of a '90s Nine Inch Nails music video... but the entire movie comes to a screeching halt at the end of the second act for an extended stretch of exposition so that - oh, yeah! - the cliché-ridden plot can be explained to us (and the wholly unsympathetic idiot of a protagonist). Kinda.

Then there's a big bloodbath showdown with the Borg Queen while a pipe organ blares and lots of CG barbed wire flies around, followed by a completely unsatisfying, self-indulgently ponderous ending. (You have been advised.)

P.S.: And by the by, what marketing genius at Sony thought a good idea to promise "Mysteries Without Answers" in the trailer? (And why are all Sony Pictures websites so embarrasingly slow to load?)

Prefectural Earth Defense Force

Korewa science fiction! The holy grail of obscure '80s anime has finally been released on DVD today (by ADV Films), and there is much rejoicing here at robogeek.com.

Ignore the lamely narrated trailer and bland, misleading box art - Prefectural Earth Defense Force is relentlessly inspired, gleefully unhinged mad genius. Not only does it have perhaps the greatest opening sequence and theme song in the history of anime, the latter just might be the greatest use of harmonica in the history of music. Few things have ever given me such joy. Buy it and you will thank me. Scope!

Trail of the Screaming Forehead!

It's coming! (From the makers of The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra - and presented by Ray Harryhausen!)

Supergirl and the Legion of Super-Heroes

After a long hiatus, Justice League Unlimited returns to Cartoon Network tonight for the first of its final four episodes, entitled "Far From Home", scripted by the great Paul Dini. (You can watch a preview clip here, check out some promo stills at Comics Continuum, and read a review at AICN.)

Meanwhile, you can pick up Supergirl and the Legion of Super-Heroes at your favorite comic book store.

TiVo Victorious

The AP reports: In a case considered crucial to TiVo's survival, a federal jury ruled that EchoStar (parent company of Dish network) willfully infringed nine sections of TiVo's patent on digital video recorder technology, and awarded TiVo $73.9 million in damages.

Analysts (myself included) believe this will not only give TiVo significant leverage in negotiating licensing deals with cable and satellite providers, but also in securing royalties from providers that use TiVo-like boxes from other manufacturers. (Comcast recently signed a licensing deal with TiVo, and DirecTV just extended theirs for three more years.)

Attack of the Were-Rabbit!

AFP reports: In a tale reminiscent of the last Wallace and Gromit movie, furious villagers in northeast England have hired armed guards to protect their beloved communal vegetable gardens from a suspected monster rabbit. Leeks, Japanese onions, parsnips and spring carrots have all been ripped up and devoured by the mystery were-rabbit.

Reuters reports: "This is no ordinary rabbit. We are dealing with a monster," says Felton resident Jeff Smith. "It is absolutely massive. The first time I saw it I thought to myself 'What the hell is that?' We have two lads here with guns who are trying to shoot it, but it is very clever.".

P.S.: Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit is 50% off at Amazon today!

Apple repeals the "Switcher Tax"

Well, it sure would've been a heck of a lot cooler if they'd announced it on their 30th Birthday this past Saturday - but I suppose everyone would've thought it was an April Fool's joke. Anyway, yesterday Apple boldly unveiled Boot Camp - which allows Intel Macs to dual boot Windows XP alongside Mac OS X from the same hard drive. And then today, Parallels announced Workstation - which allows Intel Macs to run Windows (or Linux) at the same time as Mac OS X at near-native performance, without rebooting. (More info at PC World and eWeek.)

This is A Big Deal, because it means that Apple has now effectively repealed the "Switcher Tax", a.k.a. the number one "barrier to entry" for the Mac platform. As I observed almost a year ago, in order to switch to a Mac, PC owners have not only had to throw out all their existing PC software (often a sizable investment) - they've then had to buy all that software all over again for the Mac [versions], which just adds insult to injury. But not anymore. Now PC users can not only still use their existing peripherals (monitors, mice, keyboards, etc.) - they can also still use all the software they've already invested in.

In other words, Apple is now inviting PC users to have their cake and eat it too.

(Meanwhile, Apple has nearly $9 billion in cash reserves, and recently formed their own asset-management firm.)

Darth Vader vs. Japanese Police

The gleeful madness of Liza.

I love this. (And would dearly love to see her guest star on Denny Crane. Imagine the possibilities!)

The quietest 30th birthday ever.

Apple turned 30 on Saturday... and nothing happened. (So much for my Great April 1st Apple Prediction.)

I get that there was probably no super-exciting new product quite ready to announce yet (like the iPhone or "real" video iPod or Mac Mini DVR or iTunes Movie Store or whatever) and that they still need to clear out existing inventory, but they didn't even bother to commemorate the milestone on their own damn website - much less in the Apple retail stores. I went to the Apple Store Barton Creek expecting a sale or maybe some commemorative t-shirts or posters. Nothing. I mean, would it have killed them to have at least served sparkling apple cider and apple pie or something? Very odd... and very un-Apple.